Sarah Frost Diary
by Twilightdiary
Summary: you have all heard of Bella swan, the girl who found her vampire soul mate & bathed in the world of light, to have love,Friendship&a purpose.For every light there is a darkness and now that darkness is Sarah's world, a girl who had none & fights to surive
1. My baby girl

Date: May,5th, 2007

Dear diary You will never guess what happened...I am a mommy, my little girl came to greet me for my birthday. She came one day early, but I don't care...she is my precious little Angel I love her so much. I am going to provide for her and love her more than any mother has loved their daughter. My mother came around to the hospital. She wanted to see me and her granddaughter...She was drunk as usual. The nurses wouldn't let her in and I was glad...I have nothing to say to that woman, as far as she is concerned I have no mother.I will learn from my mother's mistakes. I will get a job ill buy her thing's food clothing, ill love her and protect her. I will provide for her. She will never have to come home from school to clean up all the liquor bottles and clean the house and cook her mother food...no I will do it all and we will have each other.

I have only held her oncne so far. I can't wait for her next feeding to looking into those beautiful eyes of her. One of the nurses was also kind enough to buy a disposible camera for me and took some photos of me and my jayne. I can't wait to see them developed. I can't help but notice my Aunt and uncle acting a little strange...it was like they didn't want me to hold jayne at all i don't understand why.

She is my daughter i am going to hold her. I am going to love her and treat her right. nothing will stop me for providing for my little girl NOTHING!.

Anyway i am a little tied now, i need some sleep before they bring me Jayne back. 


	2. Judged by my cover

Date: March 25th, 2009

Dear Diary How foolish I was to ever think I would catch a ****en break. It turns out Volterra is a big as sh*t hole as it is home. Let me describe the settings so you can understand. I get off the plane meet the foster family and before I can leave the airport I am detained by Air security. They believe I had pot on me. So I am getting naked and undressing in front of this butch chick that could make viniger tits from prisoner look like Britney spears when they search my sh* i'm standing in the room completely naked and the skank ask me to lift my breast. Her reason "checking to see if I have pot strapped under my breast" thank god for once I decided not to spice up my breast with weed. So they give me back my clothing and tell me to enjoy my stay.

I go out seriously upset over this and what does my foster family do? They lay down the laws this is it Ok.

1. School is mandatory 2. No sex 3. No smoking 4. No drugs 5. No liquor 6. 10 pm Curfue on week days, 11 pm on weekends.

Well jeez guys my flight was peachy thanks for giving a rat's ***. As for these so-called rules **** them i'm going to do what I want. I will do whatever i want I abide my own rules no one else especially to some pizza eating dumb **** who think they can tell me what to do.

I am going go it's my first night in this sh*t hole and I can barely keep my eyes open. I think I am going to go unpack a little...listen to my ipod and go to bed.

Sarah 


	3. Weird ass freaks

Weird *** Freaks Date: March 26th, 2009

Dear diary Ok I am seriously pissed off. I finally get to sleep around twelve and the host mother comes into my room. At four in the morning to get me to help her cook cookies, for her Bible study group at five-forty...I told her to **** off. She would not give in. So there I was in the kitchen half dead cooking cookies. I got my revenge, when she left the room to get a recipe for her super great amazing juice... I hawk a major loogie and spat it into the cookie mix and mixed it in good. I knew I would be forced into attending this stupid meeting. So I sat there and I was lucky enough to reap the benefits of my hard work. The cookies was a success. I just sat there with a knowing grin on my face. After I left the host mother told me, I should feel lucky to be able to join her Bible study club.

I've never belonged to a club. I mean, I get them, I just don't want to be in them. Like book clubs: "Hey, check out how smart we are we can read!" Shut up already. And bicycle clubs: what's that about? One guy in a bad outfit, you're a tool. Four guys in the same goofy shirt, and suddenly you're the shit? Give me a break.

So it's around mid-day now and I am in the park with my guitar just hanging out. I like it here, it's quiet and the quiet is my friend. The park is strangely empty... I wonder why?. Anyway I'm going to work on my music for a little while. I may add an entry about my afternoon if these people get anymore ****ed up in the head.

Sarah 


	4. Broken

Dear diary. I saw am sitting in the park, trying to find inspiration and i saw a little girl...she looked around jayne's age. I do my best not to think about Jayne, but now that i have all i can say is I miss her the pain comes in waves. I just want to be with her more than anything and because I can't...it's a fate worse then death. I been thinking of a way to show how much pain i am in, but I can't the best way I can think of is this song I heard.

Heavaly Broken By the veronica's

Everyday I sit here waiting Everyday just seems so long And now I've had enough of all the hating Do we even care, it's so unfair Any day it'll all be over Everyday there's nothing new And now I just try to find some hope To try and hold onto But it starts again It'll never end

I'm heavily broken And I don't know what to do Can't you see that I'm choking And I can't even move When there's nothing left to say What can you do I'm heavily broken And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying Almost heading for a fall And now my mind is screaming out I've gotta keep on fighting But then again It doesn't end

I'm heavily broken And I don't know what to do Can't you see that I'm choking And I can't even move When there's nothing left to say What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken And there's nothing I can do And there's nothing I can do

Feels like I'm drowning I'm screaming for air (Screaming for air)  
Louder I'm crying And you don't even care

I'm heavily broken And I don't know what to do Can't you see that I'm choking And I can't even move (What can I do)  
When there's nothing left to say What can you do I'm heavily broken

I'm heavily broken And I don't know what to do Can't you see that I'm choking And I can't even move When there's nothing left to say What can you do I'm heavily broken

~Sarah 


	5. Forgiveness Denied

Parents Suck, I would have been different

Date: March 29th, 2009

Dear Diary

So what can I tell you about my day so far...Ok I am at the park, sitting at my usual spot the undercover area sitting on the park table writing this entry on my knee. I am so fucking annoyed. I received a letter from my mother, I wanted to rip it up and burn it, but no, that would be a waste of paper so i'm gonna glue it into this book as a reminder for what fucked up person my mother is

Dear Sarah

Hey Angelpie, I was just wondering how you have been doing. You never seem to return any of my letters and I have been so concerned. Look, I know I have dealt with things badly and believe me honey I am truly sorry, you never had the mother you deserved. I just got so upset because your father left me and I just lost myself.

I know I reacted badly with your pregnancy...I should have supported you in your time of trial. I shouldn't have kicked you out and called you those names. I feel so ashamed of myself, please forgive me, Please.

I have been cleaning my act Sarah. I have been sober for three months now, if you have given me the chance to explain before leaving for Italiy I would have told you I am trying. I am sorry you had to give Jayne up, really I am. Please honey come home to me.

Love

Mom

That fucking Bitch., How dare she mention Jayne's name. She is not worthy of mentioning my daughter's name. I would have fucking slapped the Shit out of her face if I was there. I did not give Jayne up she was taken from me. I wanted to keep her. She was everything to me. My mother wants forgiveness that's too bad. She is not getting it, it will be a cold day in hell before that bitch gets my forgiveness. She & my invisible father messed up my life. My memories with my mother...let's see where do I start oh yeah I know where. This one time I must have been around nine or ten, My school gave us candy to sell as a fundraiser and I lost the box of candy. My mother grabbed a stick and beat my ass until it was black and blue. I could not sit down for a week.

I remember hiding under my bed afraid and hurt. That was the only time she ever smacked me. I was too afraid to disobey her again.

She did not even feel bad or anything. She still jokes around about that incident casually. I remember one time I was getting bullied in school, I tried to tell my mom and she said this to me"Sarah I have my own problems to deal with, Deal with it yourself" that's a lovely thing to say to your child. Oh here is one of my favorite memories. I was a kid, I only had one dream in my life, I wanted to be a singer my loving mother said this to me, "Sarah it's time to grow up, you have a terrible voice you can't sing. Even if you could sing you could never be a singer, know why?. It's because poor people don't become singers, only people with money become singers. So give it up alright." Being a singer...that was my only dream, I never had another one not til I gave birth to Jayne. I wanted to be the best mother to her. I wanted to protect her and loved her.

I wanted her so much. I endured so much pain only to have her taken away from me. Oh Jayne I would never beat you with a stick, if you had problems I would have listened, I would have done something about them. I would never tell you to give up on your dream...If you came to me and told me you were expecting...I would NEVER EVER call you a tramp, Shit, whore and kick you out onto the streets. When you're just fourteen. So what now she thinks three months of being sober is enough to make up for a lifetime of abuse & neglect. She's insane...Forgiveness denied.

I am not even going back to seattle. When this year comes to an end I am going to bail. Ill hitch hike or something I don't care, hell I may just leave in a month or two if these weird ass freaks I'm living with don't leave me alone. I am going to go, I am just to messed up to see straight. I may go try and find some jerk to sell me booz cause I really need a drink.

Sarah 


	6. Loving the brownies

They had it coming ,They only had themself to blame ,If you'd have been there, If you'd have heard it, I betcha you would have done the same!

Date: April 1st, 2009

Dear diary So second day of school and I got me a cool new nickname. Ok get ready for this it's so creative "piccola puttana " mhmm, pretty little cheerleaders started calling me that yesterday. So nice so as expected I plotted my revenge. So I went looking around for the local stoner, pretty easy to find too. Needless to say I really did out do myself. I baked some magic brownies, I tested it on the host family dog...lets just say he is getting baked in the sun. So I went to school today and the guy I kissed yesterday was spreading rumors about me saying how I got down on my knees and begged him to let me "rock his world" Oh I rocked his world alright. I walked to his table and I thanked him for the good time.. While his friends were busy trying to hide their objections & the jock was trying to wonder what his game was I switched his brownies to one of my special home made recipes.

So once that was done I left the group and their objections. My last targets were the cheer leading squad and the b*tches must pay. I expected that they would be at their tables, there was only one thing I did not think of. How would I get the brownies to the girls anonymously. Then I saw her. The last of the cheerleaders walking towards her with an identical brown lunch bag. It made me wonder, when fortune smiles on something as violent and ugly as revenge, it seems proof like no other that, not only does God exist, you're doing his will.

So I walked towards the cheerleader and bumped into her hard. The stick figure hit the ground no problem, I bent down to offer my help and casually I swapped the bags. I went to sit at an empty table to watch my masterpiece come together. I noticed after a few minutes had gone by the jock was now standing on the table shirtless and trying to pull down his pants while confessing to watching gay porn.

I remember sitting there with a smug look on my face. I also remembered wondering if I placed in too much hash in the brownies. The teacher arrived and took him to the principal office. we latter heard he got three days suspension for distruptive behaviour. The cops also came to pick him up, in my weaker moment I almost pitied him until I remembered, he tried to make me look easy. The girls seemed to take longer to Affect, who knows why I don't I mean maybe after lunch they all went to throw up together. I thought I would need to go up to the next step. That was until the girls got disruptive and spoke about magic colors, needless to say I really did out do myself. I came home to see the dog still baking in the sun. I wondered if I put in too much hash, or maybe it was the chocolate. I poked it with a stick and the dog growled so I left to come to my room and tell you about my day, now if you exuse me I need to sleep.

~ Sarah 


	7. Because of you

English class sucks  
Date: April 2, 2009

Dear diary

So here i am in English class...I don't know why the hell I am in it. I mean mean it's totally pointless. So instead of doing class work, I am at the back of class writing in my diary. I don't have much time, i may write a real entry later after school. All i know right now is these lyrics i feel match us so well...it's good. it reminds me of how i used to be right after I broke up with Jayne's dad. He did not want to be a dad so i left him, of course he never told anyone about me or jayne. Sometimes i wonder why.

Anyway i have the notes planned and everything, it all came to me. The father of Jayne.

Because of you  
Written by Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

I watched you die  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I try my hardest just to forget everything  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty  
Because of you  
I am afraid

Because of you  
Because of you

~ Sarah 


	8. A little less pep

Topic: What If my life was different  
Date: April 22, 2009

Dear diary

I think I may have gone a little over the top. I am sitting here in the principal office while the principle has gone to look up my school records. Now before you ask me what I did now let me just say this, The pep rally had it coming. I wonder can you get framed for something you did?, probably not, but it's going to be my defense either that or claimed I was tricked by a jock who gave me the smoke bomb and told me it was a bong. I wonder what the percentages of him believing that. I mean it's not my fault they are sending out confusing messages, I mean why the hell say constantly "Be aggressive be be aggressive:, if they don't want you to be aggressive why say it?

I wonder what will happen if I get suspended or expelled?  
I wonder if the cheerleaders knew yet that it was I showing my aggression.  
I wonder what if my life would have been like if i was like them, a brainless cheerleader.

I wonder what would have happened if my mother wasn't a drunk & my father wasn't invisible. Would I be able to dream and have some hope for the future? I have so many more questions in my head, but I can't bring myself to ask. I just can't help wonder one big thing what could I have been if I had a loving mother & father? Maybe I would have lived up to my dream. I wanted to be a singer so badly, music is my passion and as much as it kills me now, I still dream of singing...its the second most important thing in the world to me. I bet you can guess what the first most important thing in the world is to me.

I know I could never have either of those dreams. I have it all figured out the theory of life, there are two types of people born on this world, the haves & have nots, The haves get everything they want on a silver platter without no effort. Now the universe being such a fair **** evens things out, so in order for the haves to have everything it's the have nots (Me) squirm and suffer for the rest of our life to keep the cosmic universe in order...it sucks, but nothing can be done, just accept this crappy life and hope for sweet release.

I should probably go, who knows when the monkey figures out he can walk with my file to the office, anyway

Later days

~Sarah


	9. Down the Crapper

Ladies and gentlemen the Pariah has entered the building  
Date: April 25, 2009

Dear Diary

So what happened after the principal walked in with my records, well lets just say he stopped being the pal in principal I got an entire week of detention. I was hoping for suspension, but I guess the good old principal figured I would enjoy the time off so instead I get to sit in detention. Coming to school today was an interesting experience. as soon as I stepped into the hallway everyone stepped against away from me. It seems I have become the school Pariah, personally some people may dislike being avoided like the plague, I love it, thats all i want to be left alone. Gym class proved to be interesting, today's gym was the classic game dodge ball and to my surprise no one was aiming at me. I thought I would be the prime target after taking the pep out of the pep rally. Things did make sense after the shower, I was wrapped in my towel when I went to get my clothing from my locker to find my locker was broken open, my clothing gone. The only thing in my locker was a sheet of paper with three words on it "Go Home Bitch" along with my black glove, I put the glove on my hand to cover my scar and looked to the right to see one of the crappers open and went to the crapper and saw my clothing in the crapper the water completely covering them.

I could not help, but tilt my head and contemplate revenge. I would have to do something big for this and a plan had already formulated in my plan. There would be no single prank, but a series of extreme revenge including fart bombs, itching powder, paint-bombs and possibly dead rats nailed to the front doors of their houses. These girls want to mess with the bull, their gonna get the horns is all i'm saying.

I am sitting here in a spare school outfit with the school colors and pride, I have no idea what this clothing is for...maybe it was made to just for my own personal hell, if so I should be touched, but all I am is sickened by the irony. I sought to ruin school spirit now i'm wearing an outfit that endorse school spirit ugh. I am sitting here at the last subject for the day at the back of the class now. The teachers don't really care as long as I keep my mouth shut i'm invisible, I just need to plan my revenge carefully, Ihave an idea of what I want, but I haven't finalized it yet in my mind, all I know is this is going to be Huge. First step of my plan to make a plan is shirk off Detention...the bell went off its time to put my plan to plan in motion i'm off

Later

~Sarah


	10. Revenge Swift & Cruel

Who ever said revenge gives no pleasure, obviously didn't know what they were doing  
Date: April 26, 2009

Dear Diary  
So what can I say Revenge is a dish best served with spices. I found out who the skanks that flushed my stuff. What do you get when you put three blonds together to plot revenge? well simple shoving clothing down the crapper. It must be so hard to share one brain cell among three people. So my retaliation lets just say it is a lot more inventive and cruel to the first girl well I will wait until gym class, I'll into her locker and put itching powder in her panties. Safe to say people are going to think she has genital herpes's. It's a gift so nice, I almost gave it twice, but I decided to customize my revenge punish them individually then as a group.

The second girl will be little harder to prank,i will need to move swift and fast so no one sees me in the general area. I am going to get a balloon and fill it with brown paint. then slip the balloon filled with brown paint at one of the lunch tables seats along with a fart bomb as soon as she sits down Pop went the balloon. There will be brown all over her skit and legs, it will look like she had an accident, best part was no one wanted to go close, thank the fart bomb for that, it just makes things so much more authentic.

the third revenge took a lot of thought, I found myself running on empty I wanted to stick with the theme I have going on, see diary the first involved itching powder to panties, the second is paint bombing someones clothing to make it look like they **** themselves. So I decided to spread the theme to not just clothing, but the crapper too. I started out small, step one find a scapegoat I will ask one of the guys to ask another guy, to ask one of the cool dudes, so the cool dude gives the brownies to give to the football guy so he can deliver a special Laxitive has brownie to the last girl. She will have to go to the bathroom, all the stalls, but one will be locked. The last one will have super glue on the toilet seat. Best thing is even if the principal finds out I am the one who made the brownie, I can't be punished it's here say, who would have thought Law & order would actually teach something more useful than school, anyway I have to go, I need to start baking. I will add onto todays diary as soon as I get the chance, wish me luck.

====================================

Ok Diary back from school and what can I say. Everything went according to plan, I kept my distance of course while the pranks went off it was Hilarious to see one of the girls scratching herself constantly while walking down the hallways, to hear the whispers and rumors begin. The second was a riot the girl was screaming her lungs out as she ran out of the lunch room and outside, the stench is going to stay with her for a while due to the fart bomb. As for the last one it looked a little dicy for the moment as I watched the jock considering eating the brownie. Luckily enough he decided not to, you should have seen the girl run, I think I overdid it...4 laxitives into one brownie might have been a little too much, I think Courtney is still stuck to the toilet seat o happy days.

I can't help wonder if the three blonds will plot revenge, or finally leave me alone...either way nothing to be afraid of the best those three could do is spread a rumor about me having putting out with guys for a cheeseburger, and if I eat anymore of this tofu crap than I probably will start putting out for cheeseburgers.

~Sarah 


	11. My letter to Jayne Goodbye

Goodbye to you & everything i knew  
Date: April 27, 2009

Dear Diary  
I have been thinking about her a lot recently, I promised myself I wouldn't, but I can't help it. I watch the dates go buy and it seemed time seems to be speeding up just to torment me. My Jayne's birthday is coming up in a few more days she will be three years old...three years of stolen memories, stolen smiles and stolen words...how badly I crave to hear her say mommy...My Jayne I love you so much, I need to hold you more than you could ever possibly imagine all I have of you is this picture of you.

I can't do this anymore, I just can't it hurts too much. I was such an idiot why didn't I keep trying to kill myself, what the heck was going in my head what did I think some magic solution would come?, that some talk...dark & handsome stranger would come into my life and take away all the pain. I was such a stupid and naive fool, I can't stand this anymore. Just let my suffering end please.

No one can reach me, I feel so alone I'm in too much pain to survive on my own, the hurt I can't handle overflows to a knife maybe if im lucky, i will take my own life. Yes that's it, I can't do this anymore I just want out of this life, I give up come and take me away from the chains i am stuck with. This will be my last Diary entry...I am sitting here all alone at the park bench, I always felt so calm and peaceful when I came here...yes this is the place. I can't find a more fitting place to write my final diary entry & My suicide note.

============================================

Dear Jayne

My name is Sarah Amanda Frost, I am 17 years old... I would have been 18 in a few days and you would have been 3 at , had I, the strength to resist the easy way out. I am writing this letter so maybe one day you will learn the truth about me.

I am sure you were told, that I gave you up for adoption & that I did not want you. That is a load of **** I always wanted you Jayne even throughout the pregnancy when I was scared out of my mind I knew one thing for sure That I would protect you and love you with all my heart. I bet your asking "if that's true then why wasn't I there" After I gave birth to you, I got to hold you just one time Jayne just once, before you were taken away by the nurses. They told me I needed to rest, I was in pain I mean trust me childbirth is a painful thing Ask for a C section trust me on that, I was practically stoned on painkillers after giving birth to you, During that time my aunt visited me and convinced me I was an unfit mother...I couldn't understand what she was saying half the time. She gave me some sort of document to sign and that's all I remember. I woke up in the morning and asked for you and you were gone

I begged them to bring you back, I couldn't think of life without you Jayne You have no idea how much I agonized about this, you were gone and there was nothing I could do, my aunt's husband was a lawyer, he made sure those documents were airtight.

I need you to know

I am sorry, Sorry because I failed you as a mother, I wanted so much to be apart of your life, but I can't & since i can't life is just too much for me, the pain I am in it's agony.

Please forgive me

Love Mommy.


	12. A second chance

Salvation from a god...I think i may convert from athiesm  
Date: April 28, 2009

Dear Diary  
Salvation comes at the most inconvenient times so it seems. I was set in committing suicide I had a few ideas if I was going to kill myself I wanted to do it in the most destructive...traumatic creative way possible I finally thought about how to do it my plan was to go to the host house wait until the freaks go to their house of worship, then I would cut my wrist and use my blood to paint satanic symbols on their walls and write out all sorts of dark and twisted stuff. So on my way there I walked across the street and some asshole bumped into me and I dropped my bag and guitar case. I bent down picking up my gutar case and something happened I heard the engine of a car came towards me and I looked up to see a red sports car driving at an incredible speed it seemed this was how I would meet my death as some jerk's Road kill. I waited for sweet oblivion I made no effort to run or jump out of the way, I wondered if it would hurt either way nothing compares to loosing your child so it probably wouldn't hurt that much. Something happened I felt something hard like cement smash into me all I saw was a flash and then everything went dark.

I woke up in a beautiful room the surroundings was so elegant and classy I saw a tall dark and handsome man with black shades looking at me it was like he was waiting for me to wake up I asked him what happened and he told me he saved my life. He tackled me out of the way of the car, but because he did that I hit the ground hard and got knocked out from the impact. He brought me to his holiday home to recover. It seemed I slept the entire afternoon and night. He introduced himself to me "Brian Jacobson" I also introduced myself and we spoke for a while he told me what he did for a living. He owned several mining companies and lived in New York City, I told him about me being a foreign exchange student from Seattle that's about it and i was staying with religious cultist. He is a very strange man and very nosey too I wanted to whack him with my guitar case and tell him to stop being so inquisitive, I asked him where my guitar was and he told me he couldn't save it.

Brian he looked at me and smiled he said I was a strange person, I asked him why and he said; "because you haven't even thanked me yet for saving you" I replied and told him "who said I wanted to be saved." He became serious and exused himself he went out and brought food back and insisted I eat.

I asked him if he would like to join me and split the food. He ordered so much food it was like he was that wicked witch that wanted to eat the hobo kids...what were their names, I can't remember the story that well it was about two kids finding a candy house or something. Brian turned me down and said " I am on a special diet." I found it strange the guy was practically a god, I found it odd that I had these thoughts about Brian a man whom I just met. These feelings were not natural to me, I don't know if I can describe the way I feel. During my meal Brian surprised me with an amazing offer he said he wanted to take care of me and offered me a job as his Secretary. ok I get no overtime, but I would get double pay on holidays he wants to pay me $50 an hour. He asked me not to be afraid and promised that he was not a psycho, but I didn't care either way...I wanted death so I see this as a win win situation If he turns out to be a psycho he will probably kill me and I will feel nothing...If he is the real deal...maybe things will change. I accepted, but I made my own condition which surprised him I told him I would work any days & hours with one exception I wanted May 4th to myself I just wanted to be alone and grieve for the tragic injustice inflicted on me and I knew I would not be able to compose myself on that day. He wanted to know why I wanted that day off and I told him it was private, he still wanted to know. I told him something bad happened to me and I just wanted to be alone on that day it was the first time I came close to telling anyone about Jayne.

He did not want anymore specifics after that Brian left saying he had some business stuff to do, he told me to get myself ready when he would get back he would take me to collect my things I am to stay with him in the guest room. So here I am now in the guest room sitting on the bed and writing in you...the front door opened, Brian's back I have to go and collect my things from the cult place i'm staying at it looks like I won't have to put out for a cheeseburger after all.

~ Sarah 

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	13. Brian's Gift

A good Day with Brian  
Date: may 1st, 2009

Dear diary

Not much has happened after I finished writing in you Brian came in and we went to pick up my clothing and documents. It was pretty uneventful the cultist were out at their cult gathering worshiping their god. I collected all my stuff and Brian was there helping me he examined the cross that was super glued over my bed and shook his head and rolled his eyes up. We went back to his place and got to know each other. The next day he took me out shopping for office clothing the colors were grey and black I did not mind the dark colors it suited me. He told me I looked hot and I flipped him off he chuckled and resumed in looking for clothing for me. I continued to look for clothing and approached me he told me I would look even better once I removed my goth makeup I looked at him surprised and told him I had no intentions of removing my makeup or hair dye for anyone. He told me "no employer of mine is going to look like a clown" I laughed in his face and told him there was nothing he could do about it, how I presented myself had no mention in the contract I signed. He looked over the contract on his Ipad and swore in some quick tongue it made me curious how he spoke so fast.

He told me that I won this around, I actually smiled and told him it would not be the last time. I heard him mumble "we will see about that." He wanted to pay for all the clothing, but I did not allow him I used the money I had saved up and paid for the expensive clothing. I climbed into his car and he told me I looked frightful with my goth makeup so unattractive and frightful I told him the only thing frightful was Justin Beiber singing. He looked at me confused like he did not know anything about the little parasite that was tainting the name of artist & giving people even more reason to hate Canada. I told Brian about Justin the boy that was forgotten by puberty. He was skeptical that anyone could be that annoying and such a bad singer I intended to prove him wrong and that I did. Once we returned home I went onto youtube and looked up the Beiber kid and played his music on the computer. I looked at Brian and he hissed violently he covered his ears with his hands and hissed even more he snarled at me telling me to turn it off. I smiled and let it play a little longer I asked him if my appearance was still frightful and he shook his head. That was another victory for me I turned off the music and he grumbled "whoever gave that child a singing contract should suffer in his own personal layer of hell" I smiled again and looked away.

I felt so strange I don't understand what this emotion is why am I feeling this...I exused myself and told Brian I needed some time alone. I went for a walk to clear my head when I returned Brian surprised me he gave a gift it was wrapped and everything. I opened the wrapping paper to see it was a black guitar case and when I opened the case my jaw dropped when I saw the beautiful Guitar. I was in shock and I hugged Brian and thanked him I was surprised at how cold and hard his body was...it was like hugging a wall or a statue he wrapped his hands around me in a hug "it's no problem babygirl" I was surprised by the nickname Brian had given me I wondered if he liked me? I pretended not to notice and slowly let go he removed his stone cold arms from my sides "will you play something for me." I looked at him surprised by his request and bit on my lip I had always been shy playing my own material in front of people.

Brian had given me this beautiful guitar so I owed it to him to play and play I did. I performed for him and played the guitar he looked at me in awe and he said to me in these words "you are amazing, hearing you perform...It's so inspiring" I blushed scarlet red as he complemented me my stomach growled and Brian excused himself to go get takeout. I have to go now I just heard Brian's car pull in the driveway.

~Sarah


	14. Overwhelmed

Maybe I am not alone  
Date: may 4th, 2009

Dear Diary  
Today is the day I love and hate I love it because today is the day my beautiful angel was born...I hate it because it's the day she was taken away from me. She is three years old today that's three years worth of stolen memories...kisses and hugs. My little Jayne I miss you so much. I spent the entire day in my bedroom I locked myself away from the world I just wanted to be alone to grieve in peace I did not have the strength to put up a facade today. I cut myself from the entire world and locked away my entire consciousness for the longest of time I stayed still and numb under my blankets occasionally I would hear Brian knocking on the door asking me what I was doing. I did not answer him back a small part of me wondered why he was not at work, but mostly I Did not care how could I when my soul purpose for living was taken away from me. The day seemed to pass by really slow what felt like an entire day was only an hour. I stayed in my room ignoring the growling at the door Brian seemed to be angry...I wondered if it was because of me...probably was I could never do anything right.

I was too dead on the inside to care anyway. I was fading away into the dark aybss when I heard a loud banging sound it was Brian he kicked down the door and pulled the blankets off me cursing in some super speed tones i could not hear. He lifted me up and carried me out of my bedroom and into the bathroom he lowered me in the shower and turned on the cold shower. I snapped awake and felt the water soak me completely I looked up to see Brian's concerned face watching me his unusual ruby red eyes was watching me intently "What the hell are you doing" I yelled at him. He climbed into the shower and sat beside me the water soaking him too he wrapped his cold arms around me and asked me what's wrong. I said nothing to him he stroke my wet brown hair and I notice my spray on hair dye was washing out. the goth makeup I always wore washed away with the blond dye and I told Brian to leave me alone, but he didn't he asked me what was wrong why was I suffering so much he wanted to know what would make me go into the never ending layers of despair. I got up and finally snapped and I told him. I told him about my home life, about Jayne everything.

The entire time he watched me with a shock look of disbelief I asked him if he felt better now that he took in a screw up freak. I watched him as he got up and looked down at me I hated being so short he wrapped one hand around me for a one armed hug I was surprise at what he said "I am glad to have met you babygirl and I am glad to finally see the beautiful goddess behind the clown makeup" I broke down into tears, I told Brian the truth and he did not reject me. He instead leaned down and kissed me passionately. I was in shock once my shock passed I kissed his ice cold lips back passionately as I wept I never felt so vulnerable before it was like Brian was ripping down all the walls I built to protect myself, then Brian tore off his wet clothing and threw it to the side he pulled me close and ripped away all my clothing tearing it to shreds the fabric made no difference our naked bodies were hugging in a tight embrace.

Brian pulled back from the kiss and looked at me he had one hand on my neck and I felt his finger nail push into my skin I looked to see blood come out he pushed me into the wall of the shower the water still pouring on us he moved my hands against the wall and pinned me to the wall he leaned down to my bleeding neck and started kissing my bleeding neck...no not kissing he sucked the blood from my wound...like a leech it felt nice and weird. We then...we made love there in the shower he was so rough...so powerful it...it hurt a little, but I did not care much it felt so good. He had a good endurance by the time he finished I was weak in the legs and fell onto my knees I am not sure, but I think I passed out in the shower I woke up in my bedroom naked with Brian sleeping beside me I turned on my lamp to the low light setting and sat up leaning on the wall I looked at his beautiful smile he was so beautiful so childlike in his sleep. I looked down at my body and well there is some bruises mainly on my wrist it's all purple, but I don't care...I am happy for the first time in a Long time I am happy.

Brian just wrapped his hand around my waist and mumbled my name. I am looking at his naked body and I can't help, but blush he is perfect so muscular and flawless. I look at Brian now and realized something has changed within me...something is not the same I have to go, I need time to reflect on this sensation i'm feeling.

~Sarah frost 

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Brians place


	15. The Volturi

Working on my birthday...seriously weak  
Date: may 5th, 2009

Dear Diary  
Today was an interesting day right after I finished writing in you I went back to sleep and the entire night Brian slept beside me he had his cold arms wrapped around me and refused to let go. I never did figure out what the strange sensation was. I woke up and saw Brian still had me in his tight grip. I looked back to see his beautiful face he was smiling. Seeing Brian's smile made me smile I managed to get out of Brian's bear hug and climbed out of bed slowly. My entire body was aching it felt like I spent the entire day at the gym getting a work out. I got dressed into my office clothing and snuck out of the bedroom to let Brian get a little more sleep. While I waited for him to wake up I did the cleaning and dishes just to stop myself from thinking about yesterday did I have regrets about having sex with Brian...no, but still I did not want to think about it because I wasn't ready to process or even contenplate my feelings for my roommate/boss. I sat in the lounge room and played some notes on my new guitar a gift that was from Brian. I hummed a melody and felt something cold touch my neck Brian whispered into my ear "good morning babygirl" I stopped and turned my head to see him I said good morning back he was surprised to see I did not put my make up on and asked where it was I told him I had no need for it anymore.

Brian smiled and he complemented my singing he told me that felt inspired by listening to me play I blushed and thanked him he excused himself to get ready for work. I stood up and went to my room to grab my wallet I was grateful that Brian did not bring yesterday up hopefully if I was lucky he wouldn't bring it up at all. I mean yesterday was a beautiful experience with Brian, but it was odd I mean for one thing he sucked my blood...ewww, but it felt so good too I can't explain it and another thing my entire body ache's I have bruises and well it hurts. Brian returned and he noticed the bruises on my wrist for the first time and he muttered something so low I could not hear it. Brian and I left the house and we went to down to Volterra he explained that his company was actually in New York City I was surprised when he told me we leave in two days for New York I asked Brian about the place we were staying at now and he told me it was his vacation home. It was a lot to take in really, but that was nothing compared to what happened later that day Brian and I went to this underground place it was like under the streets of Volterra and it was magnificent I have never seen such a beautiful place. Brian made me carry this silver brief case and he told me about the people we were about to deal with these people were called the Voltori they were very rich and eccentric I was to speak only when spoken to and if the one known as Aro wanted to touch me I was to let him and not hesitate. I thought it was very strange, but I said nothing and made sure to remember the rules he had set out for me. We were finally permitted to enter the meeting room and I saw three men sitting on what looked like thrones there were two children on both sides of the man who sat in the middle. The first thing I noticed was that they were all pale and well beautiful. The man in the middle stood from his seat and approached Brian and I, he glided across the ground in an elegant fashion.

Brian greeted the man named Aro and instructed me to open the brief case and I did as I was told inside were three magnifecent Rings they were gifts for the brothers. I kind of embarrassed myself when I sneezed that was the first time that anyone noticed me. I had five sets of black eyes watching me Brian seemed nervous he stood beside me and took the empty brief case from my hand Aro approached me he got really close and he stroked my cheek I almost told him to step back if he wanted to keep his hand, but I showed restraint the man chuckled and stepped back after a few moments he took me by surprise when he looked at Brian and asked if he could have me. Brian declined Aro politely and Aro looked disappointed he then said that I would be gifted if he turned me...I don't understand what he meant. The blond haired brother folded his arms impatiently while the other one who looked lifeless started to look at me intently. I nervously stepped back until I was leaning on the wall Brian continued to converse with two of the brothers and the two children. I looked away from the brown haired brother and started to hum a melody it was a nervous habit of mine.

The lifeless one gasped and stood up he walked towards me and the Brian the two brothers and the children looked towards me...they were shocked too as the lifeless one took my hand and kissed it I was surprised at how cold his touch was almost like Brian's. I blushed feeling the kiss of the stranger and Aro joined the lifeless one and I followed by Brian Aro made me a strange offer. He told me he could give me all my hearts desire if I joined his guard. I looked at Brian confused he seemed worried and I looked back to Aro and respectfully declined I was happy with Brian. Aro seemed disappointed and Marcus let go of my hand he looked at Brian and then to me and told Brian to look after me...this was all starting to get creepy even by my standards and that next time he visited them he was to bring me along too Brian nodded and spoke "of course." We finally left and I was grateful I was creeped out by the entire thing as soon as we were in the car I asked Brian what that was all about and he told me he would explain later I guess he was in shock over the events that happened too.

Brian dropped me off back home and told me he was going to grab us dinner so I came inside and saw that my room now had a new door Brian must have had someone to come and install one while we were at the Voltori people's place. So here I sit in my room now writing in you and wondering what the hell happened today there is something i was missing, but what is it I am missing. This was one interesting way to spend my 18th Birthday I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

~Sarah Frost 


	16. Overwhelming Scent

I think I might be messed up in the head.  
Date: may 15th, 2009

Dear Diary

My world has completely changed in ten days I don't know where to begin. I should start from where I left off Brian came home he asked me out and I said yes our first date was so much fun. Brian and I went out to the movies and we saw Terminator Salvation it was a pretty good movie Brian of course seemed to have other things on his mind during the movie he placed his hand on my leg and moved it up...he went past my underwear and I began to blush he chuckled and said I smelt good when I blush...that seriously confused me after the movie Brian took me out to dinner and then we went home and we made love well into the night. Like I said previously the man has stamina. I woke up again saw with bruises Brian of course slept next to me with his hand on my right breast and his arm resting on my chest. I noticed Brian's touch was always cold and his skin so hard I did some research and this site suggested that it might be poor blood circulation. Being with Brian I found myself finding more and more questions, but never did I get the answers instead I only got more questions the other day I asked Brian what Aro meant by "joining his guard" he told me that Aro's English was bad that he sometimes got words confused I knew that was a load of crap because Aro spoke fluent English hell he probably speaks better English than me. I pressed on and Brian explained that what Aro's offer was to come work for his company. I asked what Aro's company did. He told me it was goverment related and then told me to drop it. I dropped it and we went out again on another date.

Brian and I have also left Volterra and we are now living outside of New York at a beach house get this. He owns the beach around the house so no one is allowed on it. It's totally bizzare I took a photo of the house and I am gluing it into you at the bottom of the page. Brian and I went out into town last night it was so amazing you really need to see New york at night time. The beautiful lights from all the buildings it was like the city was alive I was totally stunned I felt like a child on Christmas morning seeing the pile of presents in front of me. Speaking of presents Brian totally went overkill when he found out that I did not tell him it was my birthday he ranted then finally asked me what my favourite color was I told him it was purple later that day this beautiful car was delivered on our doorstep I also took a photo of it and glue it below. I told Brian it was too much and there was no way that I could accept such an extravagant gift. He looked looked at me really hurt and pouted I did not want to hurt Brian so I accepted the gift and he returned to his happy self.

I also noticed now that Brian and I are dating he has been trying to spend endless amount of money on me trying to spoil me. he finally told me I should quit working that he would take care of me. I told him to keep dreaming I am not dependent on anyone I support myself. Brian threatened to fire me and I threatened to sue for unfair dismissal and he said he would settle. The entire time he had this cocky grin on his face he had one this battle and he knew it. I pleaded with him not to fire me that I enjoyed working for him and he caved in. The entire thing, however, turned out to be an uncecessary discussion due to the fact Brian was forced to fire me today. I sort of snapped at work today Brian had a Client waiting in the waiting room and Brian told me to go make the guy coffee and I did. I went to give the coffee to the man and he stood up and started hitting on me. Normally I would have just walked away, but something was different he had this smell...this scent it was so enticing. The guy cupped my ass with his hand and I didn't move the scent of this guy was just too appealing to realize what he had just done.

I only came to my senses when Brian coughed and I snapped out of the daze I looked at the guy and pushed his hands away calling him a sleaze and he told me to bite him and walked away towards Brian's office. I did not really hear that because I was getting lost in the guys scent again. The next thing I knew I had Brian holding me back in a bear hug while the man who grabbed my ass was on the ground screaming and holding his hand to his neck calling me a crazy bitch. Brian fired me on the spot and I had no reason why. He had the secretary drive me home and on the way home I asked her what happened. She nervously told me that I tackled the client and bit his neck. I can't believe I did that what's wrong with me. I have to go Brian will be home from work soon i'm kind of afraid I don't want to see him get mad at me.

~Sarah frost 


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